How To Ask A Guy If He's Gay

Someone's sexuality is personal, so it'due south important to respect their privacy. However, y'all might desire to know if a person is gay considering yous're interested in dating them or want to support them as a friend. Beingness open up with them tin be scary, so you lot're likely feeling really nervous. While you can't tell if someone is gay by how they look, you lot can observe them to see if they're queer. Withal, y'all need to talk to them if yous want to exist sure. If you're interested in dating them, commencement by asking them to hang out as friends and then you can get to know them better.

Disclaimer: the term 'queer' is used throughout this commodity to include different types of orientations and is not intended to offend or insult.

1
Listen to how they comment on other people's appearance. People who are queer are more than probable to find and compliment people who are the same gender equally them. Pay attention when the person is talking nigh people to see which sexual activity they tend to focus on. Additionally, consider the types of comments they're making, such as opinions nigh the person'due south appearance.^[1]
- For example, your guy friend might say things similar, "Did you meet that guy'south abs?" or "He looks cracking in a suit."
- Go on in mind that this alone doesn't mean the person is gay!
2
Consider the person'south past relationships and crushes. Information technology'south possible that the person is bisexual/pansexual, and they may even be gay but not gear up to come out. Still, showing interest in a different gender is typically a sign that someone is straight. To figure out if they're interested in a certain gender, consider who they typically appointment, who they've had a crush on, and which gender they tend to compliment.^[two]
- For instance, a guy that enjoys dating girls is probably straight, though he may exist bisexual or pansexual.
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three
Notice if they use "they" when talking about dates or crushes. If they're dating someone who's the same gender as them, they might employ the pronouns "they" and "them" and then that people don't realize they're queer. Listen to how they talk about their dates to effigy out if they tend to say "they." If they practice, you might desire to talk to them about their orientation.^[3]
- They might say, "My date went well last dark. They were actually interesting, and I hope they'll say 'yes' to a second engagement!"
- Keep in mind that they might be using the pronouns 'they' and 'them' because they are their date's preferred pronouns. Don't make assumptions until yous talk to them.
4
Consider if they never talk nigh their dearest life. If someone is in the closet, it might be difficult for them to talk virtually their dear life. They might be nervous that someone will realize that they're queer, which they might not be fix for. Be open with them about your own dating life, then ask nearly theirs. If they don't want to open up up, don't push them to share more than than they're set up for.^[4]
- You lot could say, "I've been seeing this guy lately, and I call up our relationship has a futurity. How's your dating life going?"
- Again, this doesn't mean that they're gay.
five
Avoid making assumptions based on their looks, manner, or vocalism. In the past, people believed the myth that you could recognize a queer person past looking at their face, observing their style, watching them walk, or listening to their vox. However, none of that is truthful! Both gay and straight people tin expect, dress, and audio still they want to. Ignore the stereotypes that y'all see in the media because they aren't truthful.^[5]
- For instance, a guy can paint his fingernails and not be gay. Similarly, a girl tin can prefer a curt haircut and non be a lesbian.
- Additionally, straight guys can have high pitched voices just like straight girls can have deep voices.
- At the terminate of the mean solar day, information technology is always ameliorate to ask than to make assumptions!^[six]

one
Bring up the topic of sexuality to first the conversation. Talk about a book, movie, TV show, or current event that is related to sexuality. Share your LGBTQ+ positive thoughts on the topic. And then, listen every bit they share their thoughts.^[7]
- You might say, "I really enjoyed Hayley Kiyoko'south new video for 'Girls Like Girls!' It made me article of clothing my rainbow bracelet today. What did you lot think?"
- Before talking with someone almost their sexuality, ask yourself why yous want to know this and why it matters to you. Are you coming from an open or judgmental identify? If you're asking due to a desire to find connection or from a place of empathy or back up, these are good indicators that your question is more likely to be well-received.^[8]
2
Express your support for the LGBTQ+ community. If you're out of the cupboard, allow them know that you're proud of your sexual identity. If you're an ally, tell them that you support the customs. Then, see how they respond.^[9]
- Say, "I came out to my family unit last year, and it was and then hard! But it's so dandy to be able to share my truth with everyone, and I'one thousand proud of who I am," or "I recollect information technology'south important for anybody to experience accepted, and then I'thousand an ally for the LGBTQ+ community. If we all work together, we can create real change."
3
Ask them directly if they are gay if they seem open to talking nearly it. If the person seems excited to talk about LGBTQ+ issues, they likely won't be offended if you ask if they're gay.^[10] Be direct and to the point when yous ask. And so, exist respectful of their response, even if they reject to reply.^[11]
- Say, "Have you lot ever questioned your sexual orientation?" or "Do yous identify equally gay/queer?"
four
Let the person come out on their own terms. It's of import to remember that it'southward not actually your business organization if someone is queer or non. If they don't want to share with you, just permit it go. Similarly, keep it to yourself if they confide that they are queer. Allow them make up one's mind who knows and who doesn't.^[12]
- Don't pressure someone to share if they aren't set.
- If someone asks y'all if the person is queer, say, "If you lot're wondering nearly their sexual orientation, why don't you lot enquire them?"
5
Avoid asking other people about the person's sexuality. While you might exist nervous nearly talking to them, it's not okay to hash out their sexuality with other people. This is gossiping and may start rumors that aren't true. Don't talk to anyone else almost this person's sexuality.^[13]
- For instance, don't ask, "Do you lot remember that Todd is gay?"

1
Ask them to get out as friends if yous're interested in dating them. You're likely eager to get to know them as a partner, then asking them to hang out as friends might audio similar a step backward. However, it'southward actually a swell way to get to know them and find out if they're open up to dating. Invite them to exercise something equally friends and use information technology as an opportunity to build a foundation for a relationship.^[14]
- Say, "Would you lot like to play mini golf this Fri?" or "I heard yous similar live music. Do yous want to go see this local band with me?"
2
Get to know them past spending more time with them. Ask them to practise more than things together so you lot can get to know them better. Additionally, text or call them often to help your relationship abound. Equally you do this, be open nigh your sexuality and listen to how they talk about theirs.^[15]
- Ask them to do things like go out for dinner, see a film, or get bowling.
- Say things like, "I've known I liked girls since I was 12 and adult a shell on a girl in my dance grade. Have you ever had a crush on a girl?"
three
Flirt with them afterwards you've gotten to know them a bit. Starting time by giving them minor compliments to see how they answer. If they seem receptive, try out a cute nickname to run across if they like it. Finally, become a piddling closer to them physically.^[16]
- You might say something like, "You look and then great today! This shirt is actually flattering on you," or "Every time I see you walk into the room all I can exercise is grin."
Warning: Just be sure to respect their boundaries and back off if they get stiff, pull away, or wrap their arms around themselves.
iv
Invite them out on a date if you think they might be open up to information technology. After you've gotten to know them really well, decide if they seem open up to dating yous. If they do, go ahead and enquire them on a real date. Y'all can do this in person, via text, or as part of a romantic gesture.^[17]
- Say, "Spending time with you lot has been and so bully! Would you be interested in going on a date? If not, that's totally okay, and I'm happy to just exist your friend."
- You could also text, "Getting to know you these past few months has been astonishing. Wanna try a appointment? If non, we're nonetheless on for game night."
- You could send flowers with a note that says, "Would you similar to take a first appointment with me? If so, text me a moving picture of the flowers. If not, our friendship can go on like nothing happened."
5
Cope with rejection by jubilant yourself and connecting with friends. It'southward likely that you're going to develop feelings for people who aren't into you. While everyone goes through this, it can experience especially painful when it seems similar everyone you like is straight. If you get rejected, think that it's not most you, so at that place's no reason to dubiousness how awesome you are. Instead, remind yourself that you're an astonishing person who's worthy of love, and so spend fourth dimension with your friends to lift yourself upward.^[eighteen]
- Don't be afraid to put yourself out there again! Get out and meet some new people. Shortly, you'll observe someone else who catches your eye.

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Question

I'thousand a guy and want to know if a guy I like is gay or bi or pan. What practice I do?

This respond was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Respond

It'due south best to talk most it with him. Bring upwards the topic and come across how he responds. Every bit an culling, y'all tin can ask him to hang out as friends and become to know him better.
Question

My hubby is a gay, and I'1000 straight. I actually honey my husband. Nosotros had bundled marriage, and I'm hurt knowing he can't dear me back. What to practice now?

This answer was written by i of our trained team of researchers who validated information technology for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

This is a painful situation to be in, so make certain you're tending to your feelings. First, keep in listen that he can even so love you back, then don't give up on honey. Second, talk to your husband and then you both empathize what you expect from the matrimony and what you're both willing to exercise to make information technology piece of work. Additionally, it may also assist to see things from his perspective. Being gay is office of his identity, and he may feel like he had to deny that part of himself to please his family. You are both likely hurting, but yous can be there to support each other.
Question

I've had a friend for five or six years and he is sending trivial signs that he is gay. Tin I ask him out?

This answer was written by ane of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

You tin totally inquire him out. While it's possible that he might say "no," you won't know unless yous try. When you ask him out, let him know that you'll be happy only being friends if he's not open up to a relationship.

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Since sexual orientation is a spectrum, information technology'south possible that the person doesn't feel straight or LGBTQ. That's totally okay! Don't worry about putting them in a box.
Don't care for them differently regardless of what respond they give to you. They're still the aforementioned person!
Keep in mind that your friend doesn't have to tell you lot if they're gay. Respect their needs and preferences.

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If your friend tells you they're gay, don't bombard them with personal questions. Allow them share what they're gear up to tell you.
If someone is open with you nearly their sexual orientation, it doesn't mean they're comfy with other people knowing. Don't out them, because it could put them in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation.
They could go angry at you for prying into their lives and relationships.
Never attempt to modify someone'due south sexuality and don't tell them that you think it'south wrong. If you care about them, y'all'll respect who they are.

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Article Summary X

Information technology can exist tricky to tell if someone is gay without asking them directly, simply sometimes their behavior can give you clues. For example, they might say things that suggest that they're attracted to people of the same gender, like, "Wow, he's got great abs!" or "She looks so hot in that wearing apparel." If they're non open about their sexuality, they might avoid talking near their dear life or use gender-neutral terms like "they" when describing their crushes or partners. Keep in listen that you can't judge whether someone is gay by looking at things like their style of dress or voice. For instance, a adult female who has a buzz cut or dresses in masculine clothing isn't necessarily gay. If you lot can't tell by observing them, try bringing up topics related to LGBTQ issues and meet how they react. For example, you lot might say, "I came out to my parents last twelvemonth. It was tough, merely I feel so much meliorate at present that I tin be myself effectually them!" Scroll down for more than tips, similar how to inquire someone on a date if you're not sure of their sexuality.

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